shakti (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
markohmark) wrote2020-12-23 10:34 am
markohmark) wrote2020-12-23 10:34 am
Entry tags:
2020 year in fic
well. here we go
STATS:
fics: 12* + 1 drabble
*this includes a wip i started in 2019 that i finished up
ships: 10
fandoms written in: nct, txt, enhypen
number of new ao3 relationship tags created: 5 (mark/yeonjun, jaemin/chaeryeong, yangyang/chaeryeong, beomgyu/heeseung, kai/sunoo)
total word count: ~78,000
LIST OF FICS (posted on permutative):
> square (2017) / nomin (nct) / written for a little wonder fic fest
> afterthought / nohyuck (nct) / chapter 6 of a wip left unfinished from 2019
> venn diagram / nomin (nct)
> your empty gift-box eyes / yeonmark (nct & txt) / gift for eri
> so-so, lose control / taegyu (txt)
> heart overflows again / renmin (nct) / gift for cindy
> can you feel the rush / taegyu (txt)
> the exit signs i missed / jaemryeongyang (nct & itzy) / gift for sapphy
> given-taken / beomseung (txt & enhypen)
> flicker / taegyu (txt)
> blooming gold season / nomin (nct) / written for nctvss, gift for ao3 user roseyong
> you can lean on me now (really) / chenji (nct) / written for crysmas ficmix, gift for crys
OVERALL:
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?
considering the fact that i thought i wouldn’t return to writing fic until the end of senior year/senior spring, i wrote more than i expected for sure! x__x also technically my goal wc was 65k when i made a belated writing goals post in early october… 78k is a lot more than that.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?
[stares into the void] anything txtha related. like ok so txt took over my brain and then i started tinhatting heeseung/taehyun and with the encouragement of some friends [crys/kaia] i started watching i-land and now enha has some of my brainspace too. i (love) hate it here.
Did you take any writing risks this year?
yes!! i feel like i took a lot of risks, actually? or stepped out of my comfort zone n___n
> writing longer fics that were set in korea (venn diagram as an example) because asdf sometimes my desire to be accurate/not mess things up really gets to me. i know there’s a lot of Discourse abt fic set in korea vs westernized fic etc etc but yeah i’m just glad i was able to write it without dying inside
> writing for pairings that don’t have an established fanon characterization and going off of primary sources [aka vlives] instead of secondary sources [aka video compilations, archive accounts, etc] -- bcs nct was such a big fandom it was a lot easier for me to get a sense of a pairing without having to work for the content… but honestly writing for flop pairings is fun because
> i still find it hilarious that i wrote crys a chenji fic based off of watching four youtube videos like… that was definitely a risk
> trying to write an explicit fic without dying inside. i honestly kinda krilled myself regardless but!! at least i tried!!
> i experimented with my writing style a lot more. for example i wrote flicker in past tense for some reason and then in both flicker/you can lean on me now (really) i started inserting random parentheticals for commentary? not sure how much i like either of these things but at least i tried it out, yknow
Do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the New Year?
a couple days ago i was incredibly frustrated with my writing. december has felt really weird to me writing-wise because i didn’t feel like i was writing that much but at the same time i was posting constantly on ao3 because i kept on writing really short fics? and i didn’t feel like these fics were super good, either, but a lot were for friends so i kinda just went with it. but anyways i genuinely want to improve my writing and hopefully i can spend the next month or so just trying to improve it without thinking about posting fanfiction on permutative or anything like that necessarily… but we’ll see. in terms of specific things, fanfic wise:
> i saw an ask where one of my friends said “i try to put all of my thoughts about a ship into one fic” and i find that really fascinating… it would be cool if i tried to encompass my favorite parts of taegyu (uh. maybe this would be difficult), sunsun, or some other ship in this manner, explore it in depth, and then kind of feel done with it in a way?
> continue creating more new ao3 relationship tags. i live crazily and freely
> writing style wise:
What were last year's goals?
see this post for my 2020 goals. i was actually managed to hit most of them? kind of sad that i didn’t do a holiday advent thing but considering how many gifts i wrote for other people… maybe it’s good that i didn’t + i don’t think i’ll be doing it anytime soon! kinda wanna focus on my own agendas for a bit at least. the only thing i really didn’t end up doing were my trope goals: modern royalty, post-breakup, enemies to lovers, and math team au… i will continue to think about this (and whether i actually want to write these tropes in the first place).
BEST AND WORST:
My best story of the year:
well. considering i spent more than a month on it, i hope it’s clearly can you feel the rush! there are probably other fics where i like the general prose better (your empty gift-box eyes comes to mind) but in terms of plot, characterization, self-indulgence, writing the fic i’ve always wanted to see in the world… yeah. this is it for me. i’m really glad that i managed to write taegyu the archetypal feel-good romcom university fake dating au because they deserve it!! i really was writing a fic i wish i could read with this one tbh
My most popular story of this year:
venn diagram! totally not surprised… when i learned about nct dream colorism like two-thirds of my way through writing this fic my consolation was that at least other people would still be able to enjoy it. the tropes are audience friendly and for some reason my nomin fics have always been popular… hopefully it overtakes liar’s paradox in a year ^_^
My least popular story of this year:
not surprised that it’s given-taken… um. it’s quite an odd pairing, the fic is ooc, and also like… it’s kind of plotless. yes it lowkey makes me d*e inside seeing how many hits it has relative to kudos (i’m assuming this is common for explicit fic haha) but also most of the time i just pretend it doesn’t exist. we good <3
Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:
honestly i’ve been really happy with the responses i got on all of my fics! like even my less popular fics that i thought would flop (the exit signs i missed, heart overflows again) got a surprising # of comments n___n <3
Most fun story to write:
flicker! after reading some really fun enhypen fic i was like I NEED TO STOP BEING JOYLESS IN MY WRITING and then proceeded to write the most self-indulgent crazy stan twitter au ldr fic in existence. can’t believe it either tbh but all of the social media parts of it along with the snarky side commentary on fandom dynamics was just so fun for me haha
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:
heart overflows again--i feel like i understood jaemin more by writing him through renjun’s eyes? usually i use him as my pov character (or at least i did that for venn diagram) but writing about him here made me rethink my perception of jaemin. who IS najaem really
Hardest story to write:
definitely can you feel the rush, just because it took so long… i detailed more about the process here but yeah there was a lot of ranting on priv about this one.
Biggest disappointment:
uh, idk--i’m not super disappointed by any of my fics. maybe venn diagram because the conflict was really weak (i only figured out the reason behind nomin’s fight like… after i finished draft 1. so then i had to go back and add it in, and i was already fatigued, so yeah). like i feel like the actual plot device of dreaming of alternate worlds could have been used more effectively for character growth but instead i was just like “let’s be self-indulgent and write nomin in a p101 au for no reason”... but at the same time i was kind of burned out by the end of writing it, so whatever.
Biggest surprise:
either given-taken—cannot believe i had a conversation with crys at 11pm about having writer’s block then decided to start writing beomseung fic on my phone like 15 min after—or you can lean on me now (really) because i have never had an indepedent chenji thought in my life so writing chenji was like… totally out of the blue and such an interesting way to end my nct fic career. lol
Most unintentionally telling story:
at first i was definitely going to say can you feel the rush because i did include so many things that were important to me namely 1) my love for new england 2) my love for math 3) strained sibling relations 4) coming of age 5) my kangtaehyunism in general… but was that really unintentional? i think flicker has a lot of my thoughts on long-distance friendships/relationships [which is kind of personal to me] & also some kangtae projection & a lot of my dumb enhypen agendas inside so maybe that fic is actually more telling…
Story with the single sexiest moment:
um. PROBABLY SOMETHING IN GIVEN-TAKEN but i don’t want to talk about it. or my ooc taegyu makeout fic so-so, lose control but again. at the moment all i experience is embarrassment
Most sweet story:
i was staring at my fics and thinking “are any of these really sweet?” but i guess i’ll put heart overflows again. there is something about the tenderness there that really appeals to me ^__^
“Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:
no words. obviously given-taken
Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:
i’m not a very visual writer (it’s something i’m working on!) but definitely anything from can you feel the rush. i just want taegyu fanart in general… also why is the scene from given-taken where beomseung are sitting on the practice room floor watching taehoon + jake/kai/jay fool around something i wish i could have illustrated as well? i am a simple txtha fan.
Fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year:
… txt? i was going to say enhypen but i’ve only written one fic there and it’s not even a full enhypen fic. so idk if it counts. in terms of nct vs txt it’s actually a lot closer than i thought--my experience writing the chenji was nice because there’s a lot of good curated compilations of moments/tons of maincp video content for ships like markhyuck, nomin, chenji, etc… also, people are just a lot more responsive/interactive with nct fic. whereas txt is kind of like. well i watched a bunch of 45 min taegyu vlives at what cost, i wrote taegyu for an audience of 2 [jkjk]. but still i love txt so much so <3
Favorite character to write about this year:
KANG TAEHYUN. i know i get called out for projecting on him from time to time but i actually think i have a pretty good handle on his character and the ways that he is both very similar to me yet completely different… what can i say. i’m just obsessed with his perspective on life, his eloquence, his hard work vs talent narrative, his canonical interest in math, his unflappable estp-ness, all of it. he’s so perfect to me.
Most memorable comment/review:
> flicker:
> flicker:
> the exit signs i missed:
> can you feel the rush:
> can you feel the rush:
> given-taken:
STATS:
fics: 12* + 1 drabble
*this includes a wip i started in 2019 that i finished up
ships: 10
fandoms written in: nct, txt, enhypen
number of new ao3 relationship tags created: 5 (mark/yeonjun, jaemin/chaeryeong, yangyang/chaeryeong, beomgyu/heeseung, kai/sunoo)
total word count: ~78,000
LIST OF FICS (posted on permutative):
> square (2017) / nomin (nct) / written for a little wonder fic fest
> afterthought / nohyuck (nct) / chapter 6 of a wip left unfinished from 2019
> venn diagram / nomin (nct)
> your empty gift-box eyes / yeonmark (nct & txt) / gift for eri
> so-so, lose control / taegyu (txt)
> heart overflows again / renmin (nct) / gift for cindy
> can you feel the rush / taegyu (txt)
> the exit signs i missed / jaemryeongyang (nct & itzy) / gift for sapphy
> given-taken / beomseung (txt & enhypen)
> flicker / taegyu (txt)
> blooming gold season / nomin (nct) / written for nctvss, gift for ao3 user roseyong
> you can lean on me now (really) / chenji (nct) / written for crysmas ficmix, gift for crys
OVERALL:
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?
considering the fact that i thought i wouldn’t return to writing fic until the end of senior year/senior spring, i wrote more than i expected for sure! x__x also technically my goal wc was 65k when i made a belated writing goals post in early october… 78k is a lot more than that.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?
[stares into the void] anything txtha related. like ok so txt took over my brain and then i started tinhatting heeseung/taehyun and with the encouragement of some friends [crys/kaia] i started watching i-land and now enha has some of my brainspace too. i (love) hate it here.
Did you take any writing risks this year?
yes!! i feel like i took a lot of risks, actually? or stepped out of my comfort zone n___n
> writing longer fics that were set in korea (venn diagram as an example) because asdf sometimes my desire to be accurate/not mess things up really gets to me. i know there’s a lot of Discourse abt fic set in korea vs westernized fic etc etc but yeah i’m just glad i was able to write it without dying inside
> writing for pairings that don’t have an established fanon characterization and going off of primary sources [aka vlives] instead of secondary sources [aka video compilations, archive accounts, etc] -- bcs nct was such a big fandom it was a lot easier for me to get a sense of a pairing without having to work for the content… but honestly writing for flop pairings is fun because
- no need to think about fanon… i am CREATING THE FANON
- less pressure in general
- forming opinions independently is nice!!
> i still find it hilarious that i wrote crys a chenji fic based off of watching four youtube videos like… that was definitely a risk
> trying to write an explicit fic without dying inside. i honestly kinda krilled myself regardless but!! at least i tried!!
> i experimented with my writing style a lot more. for example i wrote flicker in past tense for some reason and then in both flicker/you can lean on me now (really) i started inserting random parentheticals for commentary? not sure how much i like either of these things but at least i tried it out, yknow
Do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the New Year?
a couple days ago i was incredibly frustrated with my writing. december has felt really weird to me writing-wise because i didn’t feel like i was writing that much but at the same time i was posting constantly on ao3 because i kept on writing really short fics? and i didn’t feel like these fics were super good, either, but a lot were for friends so i kinda just went with it. but anyways i genuinely want to improve my writing and hopefully i can spend the next month or so just trying to improve it without thinking about posting fanfiction on permutative or anything like that necessarily… but we’ll see. in terms of specific things, fanfic wise:
> i saw an ask where one of my friends said “i try to put all of my thoughts about a ship into one fic” and i find that really fascinating… it would be cool if i tried to encompass my favorite parts of taegyu (uh. maybe this would be difficult), sunsun, or some other ship in this manner, explore it in depth, and then kind of feel done with it in a way?
> continue creating more new ao3 relationship tags. i live crazily and freely
> writing style wise:
- get a better handle on my strengths and weaknesses as a writer. i sometimes have a vague sense of this but i don’t reflect enough on my writing’s objective qualities i think. i kind of want to try soliciting concrit via cc or a dreamwidth anon meme post or something…? but fandom is so anti concrit nowadays sigh
- get better at distinguishing dialogue between different characters. i feel like i’m good at this for, like, maybe taegyu and that’s it… hence my obsessive vlive watching.
- more natural/less boring (?) dialogue in general. asdf
- using setting details, physical descriptions, and sensory details outside of like… seeing things/sometimes hearing things. idk sometimes i feel like i get so wrapped up in the characters and conversations that the fic is just set in this wordcloud dialogue haze and no one knows where we are
- BODY LANGUAGE. i always forget about this one especially when i'm balancing show vs tell
- being funny is so difficult but i want to improve my humor <3
- get better at evoking specific moods/be more purposeful with wtheck im writing as an author. there were some things i wrote where i was like “idek what i’m going for here” moodwise & tonewise (the exit signs i missed is a good example of that) and i just. being intuitive does not come easy to me at all, i don’t trust my “instincts”
- get better at making my short fics more meaningful!? like i've read so many quality short fics by nct writers and i know it's possible >__<
- vary my settings much much more (stop setting everything in [redacted] it’s so obvious!!), set fics in korea more often, get better at incorporating krn culture organically (?)
- write a fic with ot3 poly stuff
- if i write another explicit fic, i sure hope that the explicit part of the fic is relevant to the plot. i dont have the mental strength for another plotless… thing
- writing another explicit fic (lol)
- continue taking risks, trying new tropes, and doing new things in general!
- a produce 101/survival show au of some kind
- new pairings i’d love to hit: txt (soogyu, sookai, yeonbin) + enhypen (sunsun, jakehoon, heejayhoon, heewon) + txtha (taehoon, sunkai, taeseung)
- a long slow-burn fic that's like 30k+, why is reciprocity still my longest fic on ao3. kind of hesitant about this goal because length =\= quality BUT STILL
What were last year's goals?
see this post for my 2020 goals. i was actually managed to hit most of them? kind of sad that i didn’t do a holiday advent thing but considering how many gifts i wrote for other people… maybe it’s good that i didn’t + i don’t think i’ll be doing it anytime soon! kinda wanna focus on my own agendas for a bit at least. the only thing i really didn’t end up doing were my trope goals: modern royalty, post-breakup, enemies to lovers, and math team au… i will continue to think about this (and whether i actually want to write these tropes in the first place).
BEST AND WORST:
My best story of the year:
well. considering i spent more than a month on it, i hope it’s clearly can you feel the rush! there are probably other fics where i like the general prose better (your empty gift-box eyes comes to mind) but in terms of plot, characterization, self-indulgence, writing the fic i’ve always wanted to see in the world… yeah. this is it for me. i’m really glad that i managed to write taegyu the archetypal feel-good romcom university fake dating au because they deserve it!! i really was writing a fic i wish i could read with this one tbh
My most popular story of this year:
venn diagram! totally not surprised… when i learned about nct dream colorism like two-thirds of my way through writing this fic my consolation was that at least other people would still be able to enjoy it. the tropes are audience friendly and for some reason my nomin fics have always been popular… hopefully it overtakes liar’s paradox in a year ^_^
My least popular story of this year:
not surprised that it’s given-taken… um. it’s quite an odd pairing, the fic is ooc, and also like… it’s kind of plotless. yes it lowkey makes me d*e inside seeing how many hits it has relative to kudos (i’m assuming this is common for explicit fic haha) but also most of the time i just pretend it doesn’t exist. we good <3
Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:
honestly i’ve been really happy with the responses i got on all of my fics! like even my less popular fics that i thought would flop (the exit signs i missed, heart overflows again) got a surprising # of comments n___n <3
Most fun story to write:
flicker! after reading some really fun enhypen fic i was like I NEED TO STOP BEING JOYLESS IN MY WRITING and then proceeded to write the most self-indulgent crazy stan twitter au ldr fic in existence. can’t believe it either tbh but all of the social media parts of it along with the snarky side commentary on fandom dynamics was just so fun for me haha
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:
heart overflows again--i feel like i understood jaemin more by writing him through renjun’s eyes? usually i use him as my pov character (or at least i did that for venn diagram) but writing about him here made me rethink my perception of jaemin. who IS najaem really
Hardest story to write:
definitely can you feel the rush, just because it took so long… i detailed more about the process here but yeah there was a lot of ranting on priv about this one.
Biggest disappointment:
uh, idk--i’m not super disappointed by any of my fics. maybe venn diagram because the conflict was really weak (i only figured out the reason behind nomin’s fight like… after i finished draft 1. so then i had to go back and add it in, and i was already fatigued, so yeah). like i feel like the actual plot device of dreaming of alternate worlds could have been used more effectively for character growth but instead i was just like “let’s be self-indulgent and write nomin in a p101 au for no reason”... but at the same time i was kind of burned out by the end of writing it, so whatever.
Biggest surprise:
either given-taken—cannot believe i had a conversation with crys at 11pm about having writer’s block then decided to start writing beomseung fic on my phone like 15 min after—or you can lean on me now (really) because i have never had an indepedent chenji thought in my life so writing chenji was like… totally out of the blue and such an interesting way to end my nct fic career. lol
Most unintentionally telling story:
at first i was definitely going to say can you feel the rush because i did include so many things that were important to me namely 1) my love for new england 2) my love for math 3) strained sibling relations 4) coming of age 5) my kangtaehyunism in general… but was that really unintentional? i think flicker has a lot of my thoughts on long-distance friendships/relationships [which is kind of personal to me] & also some kangtae projection & a lot of my dumb enhypen agendas inside so maybe that fic is actually more telling…
Story with the single sexiest moment:
um. PROBABLY SOMETHING IN GIVEN-TAKEN but i don’t want to talk about it. or my ooc taegyu makeout fic so-so, lose control but again. at the moment all i experience is embarrassment
Most sweet story:
i was staring at my fics and thinking “are any of these really sweet?” but i guess i’ll put heart overflows again. there is something about the tenderness there that really appeals to me ^__^
“Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:
no words. obviously given-taken
Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated:
i’m not a very visual writer (it’s something i’m working on!) but definitely anything from can you feel the rush. i just want taegyu fanart in general… also why is the scene from given-taken where beomseung are sitting on the practice room floor watching taehoon + jake/kai/jay fool around something i wish i could have illustrated as well? i am a simple txtha fan.
Fandom you enjoyed writing for the most this year:
… txt? i was going to say enhypen but i’ve only written one fic there and it’s not even a full enhypen fic. so idk if it counts. in terms of nct vs txt it’s actually a lot closer than i thought--my experience writing the chenji was nice because there’s a lot of good curated compilations of moments/tons of maincp video content for ships like markhyuck, nomin, chenji, etc… also, people are just a lot more responsive/interactive with nct fic. whereas txt is kind of like. well i watched a bunch of 45 min taegyu vlives at what cost, i wrote taegyu for an audience of 2 [jkjk]. but still i love txt so much so <3
Favorite character to write about this year:
KANG TAEHYUN. i know i get called out for projecting on him from time to time but i actually think i have a pretty good handle on his character and the ways that he is both very similar to me yet completely different… what can i say. i’m just obsessed with his perspective on life, his eloquence, his hard work vs talent narrative, his canonical interest in math, his unflappable estp-ness, all of it. he’s so perfect to me.
Most memorable comment/review:
> flicker:
ALSO “KAI >3<“ IS SO FREAKING CUTE… “??? why dont you just mute him? n__n” i love how he’s taehyun’s sweet levelheaded counterpart but he’s probably refreshing soobin’s insane twitter profile every 5 minutes being like hehehe he is so cute ^___^ even when soobin is getting into his 10th fanwar of the day.
ALSO WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MENTION THAT CRAVITY HAVE NO FANDOM. YOU WILL RUE THE FUCKING DAY WHEN THEY SWEEP ALL THE DAESANGS IN 2025!!!
i literally laughed so hard at soogyu unexpectedly becoming gamer friends i think there are tears in my eyes. kai “we all have our tastes” and his is specifically twitter user @bebesmonster.
> flicker:
> He didn’t consider himself an avid reader—half of the books on his Goodreads were mathematics textbooks i literally cannot stand him. i hope u recognize that it is truly a show of love (for u) that i suffer through this math propaganda
> Soobin was one of those girl-group-stanning trolls who took pride in being blocked by half of ARMY Twitter, unafraid to speak his truths—namely, that April, The Boyz, and Bebe Rexha had done more collectively for pop music than BTS this is literally. i don't even know what to say to this. u certainly have written that.
> the exit signs i missed:
I’m not really sure what I just read since I’m most high off Benadryl and in dire need of sleep and I just discovered beaver’s tails are just vertebrae aka their tails are spine, but I think you did a very good job on this
> can you feel the rush:
the amount of studying done in this fic is more than the amoutn of studying i ahve done all year... i love beomgyu's suffering it's just so enjoyable!... maybe u-substitution can be your always
> can you feel the rush:
i am not taegyuist but like you really almost had me there!
> given-taken:
wow this is so cool omg this is a pairing i definitely never considered but now that you wrote this... whoa....... and the fact that this is so good???? even though it's litearlly between two people that have NEVER talked?? u r insane. ur power is simply. unrivaled
A fic you didn’t expect to write:
again, you can lean on me now (really). CHENJI???
Something you learned this year:
just… write what you want. say what you want. you know? i feel like in nct i was always on eggshells afraid of offending people and to a certain extent i still feel that way on my main twitter account ;; but i feel like i’m finally posting whatever i want on ao3 for the most part even if the responses to my fics widely vary, and it’s nice because i’m just doing it for myself and my audience of like 2 people! unfortunately i still feel some pressure on my main ao3 account to post “good” things or whatever so i probably won’t post stuff there for a bit… i just want to feel as comfortable in my fandom space as possible.
sometimes i’m like asdf i kind of regret coming off as so unhinged and crazy but at the same time like… it’s nice having a space where i can just be like that. me. like who cares about elegance when you can tinhat beomseung instead? i have accepted the fact that, like jay #ras park, i’m in a constant state of embarrassment and humiliation and can never be “cool” >__<
also, i now understand the power of vlives and how it can help inform characterization and the appeal of video content in general. am i still terrible at watching content? kind of… the 1.25x speed option is usually my best friend. but still i think it has made my characterization improve a bit ^_^
Fics you wanted to write but didn’t:
so manyyy. i think the biggest ones at the moment are
> taegyu au where taehyun is a bodyguard and beomgyu is a chaebol heir
> sookai hunger games au where soobin wins the games… but at what cost
> txtha gay chicken fic with sunkai endgame (nvm: see here)
idk if i’ll ever get to some of these (especially the sookai. i’m sorry kaia) but yeah…
HIGHLIGHTS:
Favorite opening lines:
this made me realize i am quite terrible at opening lines. but anyways, from given-taken:
Favorite closing lines:
can you feel the rush: i’m sorry i’m literally just an insufferable tyunbamist
Favorite lines in general:
i made a post about it here, and i’ll add some more from fics i didn’t include in that post. sorry for the lack of commentary but sometimes i have nothing to say <3 surprising, i know.
can you feel the rush:
flicker:
> literally any of the stan tweet jokes. yes i’m insufferable
you can lean on me (really):
> Look: Jisung doesn’t get Chenle sometimes, but he sure as hell has a crush on him.
> Chenle smiles: a little mysterious, a little beautiful. “I’ll tell you when I find it,” he says, fingers brushing across Jisung’s cheek. A quiet gentleness, hidden in plain sight: the most obvious secret.
IN CONCLUSION:
well, the past couple of months of writing (literally just late september up until now) have been really nice! i’m glad that i got to know some people better, especially through getting into txt, and i’m thankful that my some of my closest nct mutuals haven’t stopped talking to me either ^__^ sometimes i get really angry, frustrated, and emotional about my writing, but honestly writing up this reflection post made me realize that everything isn’t so bad after all. hopefully i can continue writing fanfic in 2021 and return with some great stories haha ;;
again, you can lean on me now (really). CHENJI???
Something you learned this year:
just… write what you want. say what you want. you know? i feel like in nct i was always on eggshells afraid of offending people and to a certain extent i still feel that way on my main twitter account ;; but i feel like i’m finally posting whatever i want on ao3 for the most part even if the responses to my fics widely vary, and it’s nice because i’m just doing it for myself and my audience of like 2 people! unfortunately i still feel some pressure on my main ao3 account to post “good” things or whatever so i probably won’t post stuff there for a bit… i just want to feel as comfortable in my fandom space as possible.
sometimes i’m like asdf i kind of regret coming off as so unhinged and crazy but at the same time like… it’s nice having a space where i can just be like that. me. like who cares about elegance when you can tinhat beomseung instead? i have accepted the fact that, like jay #ras park, i’m in a constant state of embarrassment and humiliation and can never be “cool” >__<
also, i now understand the power of vlives and how it can help inform characterization and the appeal of video content in general. am i still terrible at watching content? kind of… the 1.25x speed option is usually my best friend. but still i think it has made my characterization improve a bit ^_^
Fics you wanted to write but didn’t:
so manyyy. i think the biggest ones at the moment are
> taegyu au where taehyun is a bodyguard and beomgyu is a chaebol heir
> sookai hunger games au where soobin wins the games… but at what cost
idk if i’ll ever get to some of these (especially the sookai. i’m sorry kaia) but yeah…
HIGHLIGHTS:
Favorite opening lines:
this made me realize i am quite terrible at opening lines. but anyways, from given-taken:
It starts, as always, because Beomgyu can’t keep his damn mouth shut.
Favorite closing lines:
can you feel the rush: i’m sorry i’m literally just an insufferable tyunbamist
Before he had been afraid to face his feelings; staying overnight had forced him to confront them. But now, Taehyun just looks forward to living an honest life, with someone by his side who encourages him to be his truest self.heart overflows again: this line came to me in the middle of the night and was basically the reason why i wrote the entire fic in the first place
"I've already had to wait for so much," Jaemin says. "What's one more thing?"so-so, lose control: i know this fic is super ooc and dramatic but i kind of love how theatrical chwebamgyu is here…
Beomgyu’s the most romantic member; the essence of romance lies in foolishness. Even so, he knows enough to grasp that their story can only end in tragedy.your empty gift-box eyes: WHY AM I SO SATISFIED WITH THIS. there’s nothing like yeonjun reaching out for help instead of Being Alone™. wow
Yeonjun takes a deep breath. “Can you show me how you write your raps sometime?”
Favorite lines in general:
i made a post about it here, and i’ll add some more from fics i didn’t include in that post. sorry for the lack of commentary but sometimes i have nothing to say <3 surprising, i know.
can you feel the rush:
Taehyun’s smart enough to know when not to rock the boat, but it’s starting to leave him stranded and stagnant for too long.
"You're late!" Jaemin calls, once he's realized they've entered the apartment. He's sitting on one of the couches, sandwiched between Jisung and Hyunjin. "Beomgyu, did you get too distracted while you were out with our lovely Taehyun?"
"Suck my dick, Jaemin," Beomgyu replies, rolling his eyes as he takes his Air Force 1s off.
"Anytime," Jaemin replies, smirking at Taehyun for some ungodly reason.
"Yeah, that's one of my favorite parts too." Taehyun looks away from Beomgyu’s sparkling eyes, aware that maybe he's been staring for too long at the wrong shining thing. "The sky's a lot clearer back home." It's one of the few things he misses: the stars and the weather.
“Yeah, it’s difficult.” Beomgyu swallows audibly. “But—but without that discomfort, without being honest—that isn’t a real relationship, isn’t it?”
Taehyun considers that, thinks of all the things he’s told Beomgyu that hasn’t told anyone else, thinks of how he felt while watching Beomgyu play the guitar in front of him for the first time. He feels like himself when he’s with Beomgyu. Not adrift, not stranded out to sea, but anchored and steady.
flicker:
> literally any of the stan tweet jokes. yes i’m insufferable
you can lean on me (really):
> Look: Jisung doesn’t get Chenle sometimes, but he sure as hell has a crush on him.
> Chenle smiles: a little mysterious, a little beautiful. “I’ll tell you when I find it,” he says, fingers brushing across Jisung’s cheek. A quiet gentleness, hidden in plain sight: the most obvious secret.
IN CONCLUSION:
well, the past couple of months of writing (literally just late september up until now) have been really nice! i’m glad that i got to know some people better, especially through getting into txt, and i’m thankful that my some of my closest nct mutuals haven’t stopped talking to me either ^__^ sometimes i get really angry, frustrated, and emotional about my writing, but honestly writing up this reflection post made me realize that everything isn’t so bad after all. hopefully i can continue writing fanfic in 2021 and return with some great stories haha ;;
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also really looking forward to some of your fic goals (eye emojis), especially anything with ot3 poly stuff and a produce au of some kind... and i am more than okay with you not writing the sookai i understand 😩 literally just the thread we had discussing it and beomgyu being taehyun's embarrassing capitol boyfriend is enough to sustain me?
also i feel u a lot re: writing and saying what you want x___x i do think there are merits to having a certain image on a main/public twitter account, but i’m really glad you’re finding ways to write what appeals to you without worrying too much about what others think ^___^ i also used to feel a lot of pressure to write things that i thought were ~good~ but now i'm kind of just free and it's been pretty fun <3 thanks 4 sharing ur reflectionz dw user markohmark!
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also re: sookai, thx for understanding <3 THE THREAD WAS SO FUN FOR ME TO GO AND LOOK BACK ON and i guess i can share u the gdoc outline/rough draft on christmas (today!? wtheck) as promised... it is genuinely so random but T__T
and yeahhh i feel u on the whole main/priv thing. like i dont even know what to tweet on main sometimes but at the same time i like having that space to poll ppl & interact w ppl im not necessarily the ~closest~ with. it's a toss up for sure... also i also used to feel a lot of pressure to write things that i thought were ~good~ but now i'm kind of just free and it's been pretty fun <3 why is this me! also i love what you've been writing recently (um: THE SUNSUN!!) so im glad that ur feeling more free~ thx for leaving this comment dw user girlrock! <3